Well, it’s not all that… strict. It’s just. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m okay with it and sometimes I am not. I think it depends on how stressed out I am. It’s a bit rough. I’d like to be more intimate with loved ones but… I’m so used to avoiding it. I often just don’t even think about it! I’m not a casual hugger!
It takes a lot of patience to be with me, I think. It’s incredibly hard to be able to trust someone to be able to handle that. No big surprise I haven’t been in a long term relationship since Janet…
I’m not exactly at my nicest when I’m having a panic attack. And, boy, wow, is an intimate setting the absolute worst time for being snappy or what?
Actually, Janet was incredibly great about it. She might have been the most supportive person I’ve ever met about my problems. But everyone has their breaking point. We were together for two years, you know. She was hesitant to marry me. We were engaged for over a year… And the marriage only lasted two months.
I don’t really blame her for leaving. I would have made a terrible father.
perhaps I will actually learn from my mistakes the next time. Maybe I’ll actually be open and honest about my needs and shortcomings… If there is a next time.