Well, it’s not all that… strict. It’s just. I don’t know. Sometimes I’m okay with it and sometimes I am not. I think it depends on how stressed out I am. It’s a bit rough. I’d like to be more intimate with loved ones but… I’m so used to avoiding it. I often just don’t even think about it! I’m not a casual hugger!

It takes a lot of patience to be with me, I think. It’s incredibly hard to be able to trust someone to be able to handle that. No big surprise I haven’t been in a long term relationship since Janet…

I’m not exactly at my nicest when I’m having a panic attack. And, boy, wow, is an intimate setting the absolute worst time for being snappy or what?

Actually, Janet was incredibly great about it. She might have been the most supportive person I’ve ever met about my problems. But everyone has their breaking point. We were together for two years, you know. She was hesitant to marry me. We were engaged for over a year… And the marriage only lasted two months.

I don’t really blame her for leaving. I would have made a terrible father.

perhaps I will actually learn from my mistakes the next time. Maybe I’ll actually be open and honest about my needs and shortcomings… If there is a next time.

NO, not for my first name, anyway. And not from peers. A lot of adults were sore about my lineage. But that mostly came after I was an adult myself.

I was lightly teased about the first name, I guess, but every kid gets some kind of ribbing. Nobody’s safe from that.  I know I have an uncommon name, and there were some rude variations of it, but, eh. Ah, honestly, I wasn’t ever bullied much at all for any reason. Sorry.

I never stayed in a grade long enough to be bullied.

Oh, sure, there was a time in my youth when I was briefly jealous of the fun my cousins had with their Hanukkah rituals or the neighbors seemed to have with their Christmas. But, just like the absence of birthday celebrations, I mostly just got used to the lack of festivities in my household. I forget the exact wording mother used when excusing it. Something to do with not setting myself up for a letdown once I got out into the real world. That I’d thank her for the realistic expectations. That the world was cruel, a grinding drudge that would only rake me through its uncaring teeth. Something like that. Or, I remember one year a big ol’ rambling tirade about how holiday traditions were outdated tribalistic drum beating ceremonies for whatever country or religious affiliation you’ve aligned yourself with mostly through the accident of birth.

She was full of crap, by the way. A huge liar. She just didn’t care, didn’t want to be stressed out with having to remember dates, or having to think about other people for a change.

In my twenties I found the holidays mostly overwhelming, but interesting. Christmas parties, as it turned out, where a fantastic place to meet women, inhibitions loosened by alcohol or whatever. I got pretty burnt out on that by my late twenties, though. Now I just don’t give a shit. So I guess I’ve cycled all the way back around to just being my mother. My worst fear. Well. What can you do?

At least I fully realize it’s because I’m a selfish, lonesome bastard and I don’t bend anyone’s ear with misguided bloviating.

Anonymous asked outinthewastes:

Dr. Armastus, do you not like the dark? You seemed pretty pleased about that light in the supply closet.

Phineas: Well, fine, it’s complicated. There is a certain anxiety I feel when I’m in dark or enclosed spaces. But, on the other hand, I have to thank the darkness because without It my Job would have been much more difficult. So, while I do not so much ENJOY the night or the shadows, I RESPECT Them. They are indiscriminate and awesome. And everywhere.

Leon: I wonder if this has anything to do with your mother’s closet. You mentioned hiding in there routinely as a child. Were you hiding from something, or someone? Were you hiding in there the day she-

Phineas: I’D leave this alone, doctor. It is old. And irrelevant.

Leon: We’re going to have to talk about your mother sometime, Armastus.

Phineas: No, we are not.

emeralddragon88 asked outinthewastes:

Hey Doc, I was wondering how school was for you when you were younger? Did you find it tedious, did you get along with the other kids, etc.

Ah, it wasn’t that bad. Sort of boring and easy, but it went by fast enough… Mostly it was a bit lonely. I skipped grades so often that I never had much of a chance to make lasting friends until college. Not at school, anyway.

I was sort of annoyed at the time that no one would take me seriously because of how much younger I was. Girls all thought I was soooooooo cute, which you would think would be some kind of advantage, but no! And being so much younger than everyone else meant I didn’t really have much a chance to have like a girlfriend… Then again, I doubt I would have wanted one because- Well. No, I don’t want to talk about that.

Uh… Every teacher hated me, I think. Not my fault I knew more about whatever they were teaching than they did.

No one ever bullied me or anything, so I suppose I was lucky in that regard. Honestly I got enough of that at home, anyway.

clockworkself asked outinthewastes:

Dr. Schtein, why are (were) you vegan? Forgive me, but I don’t see you doing it for the animals.

answer:

Ah, I AM still vegan. Or… as vegan as I was allowed to be considering the circumstances. I think I may have consumed a ton of dairy products and eggs while I was in prison, but I’d really rather not think too hard on that.

You’re right in that I’m not so much an animal rights activist and just… well… it’s habit, mostly. I was raised vegan, and, like many other things mother drilled into my head, it took. This is one thing I’m not mad at her about, though. Honestly, animal products are pretty gross, yeah? I mean, I’m grossed out by them, perhaps you are not. That’s okay.

I’m not going to give you a meat temperance lecture, but for me it’s more about health and environmental concerns…

No big deal, I know what vitamins to eat and where to buy faux leather shoes, okay.

I do have a soft spot for my own cat, though.